22

It started with an order from the doctor to stay in bed.
I was to follow up a week later.
I obeyed, knowing that a week in bed would drive me crazy.

Hardly no time at all passed before the doctor called me at home.
He told me that he consulted with a colleague and they both agreed…
We should not wait any longer.
Delivery was scheduled for the next morning.

We had to deliver Taylor one week early to save her life.
I think, however, she just couldn’t wait any longer.
We have felt the power of her unconditional and powerful love for us ever since!

             

Happy Birthday to our sweet Taylor.
You complete our little family!!

I became a mother…

Today is the anniversary of the day I became a mother.
25 years ago today, to be exact.
I remember it as if it were yesterday.
I’m pretty sure it was.

She arrived…wide eyed and curious.
She has always been open and honest.
She is adventurous.
She is head strong but obedient.
She makes me proud.

She is a dancer.
She is a photographer.
She is a blogger.
She is a returned missionary.
She is one of my most precious treasures.
She is my daughter.

Happy Birthday Kylee!

 

the plan of happiness

The events that transpired between December 21st and January 10th were difficult.
It was a roller coaster ride of fighting for life and recovery and fighting for peace and reunions.
Consuelo was torn between two worlds.
I truly believe that when she called the names of loved ones
she did not do so out of confusion or delirium.
She was with those people.
They were with her.
Comforting her, as we were.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,
I know that there is life after death.
I know that we lived with God before we were sent here to earth.
I know that he has a plan for all of His children.
I know that our life here on earth, while not always easy, has a purpose.
We gain a mortal body that is tested and tried.
We feel pain and sorrow.
We are tempted and we sin, because we are not perfect.
Because we are not perfect, God sent His only begotten Son.
Through Him, we can become perfect, by repenting, by accepting His atonement.
It is also through His atonement, that we can receive strength as we face our trials.
Pain. Sorrow. Grief.
If we follow Gods plan.
If we keep His commandments and follow the example of His perfect Son,
even, Jesus Christ, we can be happy.
The knowledge that we have of this great plan of happiness
has given us all that we needed during those three weeks.
We knew, that no matter what the end result was,
Consuelo would be with loved ones.
Whether here on earth, or on the other side.

There is life after death.
There is a sealing power that links our family together FOREVER!
And that makes me happy.

{Your can learn more HERE}

the quietus

[part five]

The following morning {Friday} we went back to the hospital to put in place the next course of action.
Consuelo had already expressed her wished to the doctor and he was in the process of preparing for her release when we got there.
All treatments were stopped and the IV was removed.
We were pleased to learn that she could return to Compass… this time, hospice would also be put into place.
She was back there before 2:30 that afternoon. She was peaceful and comfortable. It was good.
We knew she was in good hands, so we returned to her apartment to continue moving her things.
This time, we knew she would not be returning.

Saturday morning was spent clearing out the few things we moved to her new apartments and turning in the keys.
As Evan, Taylor and I were finishing up lunch, something nudged us back to Compass. We needed to go there.
Without hesitation, we did.

As we pulled into the parking lot, Evan received a call from the Hospice care giver.
Consuelo was not well. The nurses at the station confirmed. They also prepared  the tree of us for what we would see and hear.
Calls were made to Neale and Denise.
Neale would come as soon and he could.
Denise was in an airport in Arizona and would stop by after she landed in Salt Lake.
We made our way down to her room.

The death rattle was the most obvious symptom of what was to come.
She was not conscious , but we spoke to her, expressed our love, stroked her head.
She could hear us. She responded with her eyebrows or even a slight turn of the lips.
Evan called Denise again, this time alerting her of the urgency of her visit.
She and Alan were trying to catch an earlier flight.
Evan also called Kylee’s Mission President.
President Cooke would be seeing her later that evening and assured us he would speak to her.

Neale arrived a few hours later.
Then Denise called… they had just landed and were on their way.
Evan and Neale each took a hand. They told her that Denise would be here soon and asked her to hold on a little longer.
Sensing that she would not last, we prayed by her bedside.
Evan offered a beautiful prayer. He released her from this world and invited her to go home and to be reunited with her husband.
She could not hold on. Within minutes, she was gone.

After Denise arrived, we all sat in Consuelo's room for what seemed like hours.
Reminiscing.
Paying tribute her life.
She was an honorable woman.
She left us with dignity and grace.

the decision

[part four]

Phenomena was confirmed. Her body was also septic.
Bed sores were developing.
Antibiotics flowed though her veins.
During one of Neale’s visits, he left her with Dennis’ wedding band.
Neale wore it around his neck.
Connie now wore it on her hand.
If we learned anything, we learned the impact that an infection can have on the mind of the elderly.
Dementia being a very common side effect. Perhaps even a mercy, as she will not remember most of what is happening to her.
The next day, after being admitted into the hospital, she pulled her IV out.
She kept telling us that she is falling… falling out of bed. We tried our best to assure her that she was not.
She told us she was afraid. Of what, we could not determine.
Sunday marked 24 hours of no sleep for Consuelo.
The nurses report that she is in kidney failure.
Confusion was prevalent, with brief moments of lucidity throughout this next week.
Conversations seemed to take place with members of the family that have previously passed on:
Mama, Papa, Lily, Fermina, Sophia.
Reminiscing also took place.
We listened to Consuelo as she spoke of the days when she and Dennis met and started their courtship.
She was troubled with anxiety and had many restless nights.
So much so, that she was moved to a room closer to the nurses… the fishbowl as we called it. No walls. Only windows and a door .
During one of her good moments, She expressed to him, her desire to fight her way back. She needed to get her life in order.
She desired to work on family history and take names to the temple.

Nights continued to be troublesome for her.
There was no significant improvement, so we asked to nurses to administer morphine to help her rest and relax.
Evan would go sit with her until late at night, so that the nurses could get something done.
During those moments when her mind was here, he would continue to have important conversations with her.
Thursday night, she made a significant decision. She was exhausted and she was ready to go home.
She was at peace with her life here. We could see it on her face.

change

Today, we were released from the Bishopric of the Young Single Adult Ward
where we have served with our heart and soul for three years.
It is customary, for the departing bishopric and their wives to share a few words
and bear a testimony to the members of the ward.

This is what I shared today….

Often, a returned missionary will recite these words when reflecting on their mission….
”they were the best two years of my life!”
Today, I get it.
The last three years were the best three years of my life.

Because of the members of the Crescent View Young Single Adult Ward
I have more hope in the future.
I have increased faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ.
I have a greater desire to serve others.
I have a deeper love for the temple.
I have an enthusiasm for family history work.
I have a stronger testimony of the Gospel.

What makes today so difficult for me is this…
I don’t get to express my love to each member of the ward and then go sit down.
I have to leave.

What makes today so easy for me is knowing that three men and their wives
were called through inspiration to love and serve the ward in ways
that we could not.

What makes today so special for me is that I get to share my testimony to the people I love.
I know that the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
is the complete restoration of Christ’s original church.
I know that we have true and living prophets today that teach us and guide us.
I know that though simple obedience to God’s commandments, and through the atonement, we can
return to live with our Heavenly Father.
I know that the Book of Mormon is another witness of Jesus Christ.
I know that the Book of Mormon  is full of messages, relevant to the problems we face today.
I know that as we study the scriptures, we will receive answers.
I know that our Savior, Jesus Christ loves each one of us... personally.
He knows us. He is with us. We are never alone.

A British philosopher once said

The only way to make sense out of change is to
plunge into it,
move with it,
and join the dance.
(Alan W. Watts)

So… Let’s go dance!

boasting

I work full time. I serve in my church. I live in a neighborhood. I have friends.
I say this, not to boast, but to point out that I am exposed to all sorts of people. Often.
I hear many things.
Mostly interesting, funny, and uplifting.
Sometimes annoying, inappropriate, or  irritating.
On thing that irritates me is the constant boasting that is exhibited by a select few.
You know the – my kid was accepted to Harvard but chose to go to State College – type.

I often wonder, are these individuals even aware of how they come off to others?
Me?I Besides feeling uncomfortable being around these individuals, I feel SAD.
Sad that they are so insecure, so starved for attention, so unaware of others,
or even unaware of what they are doing. I also feel worried.
Worried, that I too, can easily fall into this category.

It seems to me, that if we direct our gratitude upward. If we acknowledge all of our blessings and successes to the Divine Being,
the person from which they came, then – and only then – will we be following the example of our Savior.
This was reinforced in my mind as I stumbled upon a Conference talk from April 1990…

In our conversations and conduct we can be much more effective if we avoid the demeaning effect of that which could be classified as boasting. We should wisely let others become aware of accomplishments by observations rather than to have us appear to flaunt them before the world. Boasting diminishes credibility and too often alienates friends, co-workers, family members, and even those who may observe us from a distance….

Consideration for the feelings of others should always be important to worthy Latter-day Saints. Rightfully we may be happy about the number of children with which we have been blessed, the missionaries who have served, the temple marriages of our offspring, and the accomplishments of family members; but others who are not so fortunate may have feelings of guilt or inadequacy. They may have been praying long and hard for the same blessings about which we are boasting. These people may feel that they are out of favor with God.

For this reason our appreciation should be sincerely felt and gratitude expressed frequently to our Father in Heaven
- but not too vocally to the world.

We would all do well to take a lesson from the Savior, who repeatedly acknowledged and gave credit to the Father in all things.

~Marvin J Ashton (read his full Conference address  HERE)

I am so grateful for such great, faithful men of God that are not afraid to teach us the things that we need to hear,
things that will draw us closer to our  Father in Heaven and our Savior.
I am grateful for this weekend, for General Conference where I will once again be edified and uplifted.
Were I can become renewed in my desire, and my actions, to be obedient and to follow the example of  Jesus Christ.…
You too, can watch it live…HERE…  [Saturday October 4th 10 AM, 2 PM / Sunday October 5th 10 AM, 2 PM]

stewardship

I have a friend that needed help.
She didn’t ask for it. But I knew.
I helped her the best I could, in a small and simple way.
I did not solve all of her problems or address all of her concerns,
but I was able to relieve her of one small worry so she could focus on others.
Stewardship:
the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care
I have been very blessed in my life.
As I ponder all of my blessings, I came to the realization
that I have a stewardship to manage these blessings in a way that allows
me to take care of others in their time in need…
simply because that is what my Heavenly Father wants me to do.
That is why he blesses me.
I need to live within my means so that I can feed and clothe the hungry.
I need to eat right and exercise so that I can lift and carry things that need moving.
I need to keep my mind aware and alert so I can listen and share my insights and experiences.

The Lord’s admonition that we are stewards for those in need contains some of the strongest  language in all of scripture: “If any man shall take of the abundance which I have made, and impart not his portion … unto the poor and the needy, he shall, with the wicked, lift up his eyes in hell, being in torment.”  We are accountable as stewards over earthly blessings, which the Lord has provided.  ~Quentin L Cook [October Conference 2009]

Updates

It’s has not even been TWO weeks
and we have received TWO wonderful emails from our missionary.

The second one came in today. I was awake when it was sent
and my phone promptly alerted me.
I quickly read it and responded with a quick question…
”Did you get the package?”

That question resulted in several back-and-forth emails.
Faux texting with my missionary was wonderful.
I have been missing those types of interactions that took place everyday.
It was a tender mercy, being able to “chat” with her.

By the way, her letters are posted on her mission blog here…

Email #1

Email #2

Already, so much growth has taken place.

2’s and 3’s

Three times in two weeks =  the number of times I have listened to my missionary speak in church.
Two of those three times was just this morning.
My two daughters have been home together this weekend as we
prepare to take Kylee to the MTC in three days.
In just two days, she will be set apart as a missionary through Priesthood Authority.
Soon, it will be just the two of us…Evan and I.
Well, three, if you count the dog!
My heart is full of gratitude for my two daughters.
Together, with my loving husband, I have the three best friends I will ever need.
Before we know it, the four of us will be in three different states
but in less than two years we will all be reunited.
I think the two of us can handle that!
Well, three, if you count the dog!

Tender Mercies

I am so full of joy.

Taylor was home when Kylee’s mission call came.
The mail arrived when expected.
These are only TWO of a million tender mercies
we have experienced this last week.

This is another one...

What my ears heard, opened my eyes

Even though I am the mother of adult daughters,
and they don’t “need” me as much as they used to,
they are still a very important part of my life.
In fact, they are two of my best friends.

I never want to loose that.

Yesterday,
as I was sitting on the couch,
winding down for the day
finishing up some work I brought home from the office,
Taylor said: “mom, you are always working.”
She continued: ”working your job, working to take care of us”

She was merely being observant.
I was immediately full of gratitude.

First and foremost, because I get to take care of my family.
I love being around them
I love spending time with them.
I love being at home, with them.
I love taking care of them.
It is my favorite job.

Second, I am blessed to work for individuals
who support “family”
They are a close family, and in a sense,
they are a part of my family.
They enable me to encourage others at work to
place their family over their job.
I get tell the employees “yes, it is OK”
to come in late for work to support their children and grandchildren
at school and other events.

Today,
I left the office, empty handed.
I am not going to work this weekend,
unless it is for my family!