The Quote {being offended}

I realize that people say things, well, wrong.
Heaven knows I do this ALL the time.
Humans tend to “speak their mind”. It is not easy to remember to “think before you speak”.
I often wish my words had a ten second delay… giving me the opportunity to sensor, revise or delete.
But things are said that cannot be taken back.
Feelings are hurt. People become offended.
I have been the giver and recipient.

The single, most important [and perhaps the most difficult] thing to remember is this…
Offence it taken, not given.

When we believe or  we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

David A. Bednar  … And Nothing Shall Offend Them [October 2006 General Conference]
(You can listen to, or read his talk HERE.)

How easy it is for us to blame others for our feelings.
It’s hard to look inward and take responsibility for how we react to things that are said [or not said].
After all, if we take the responsibly, we have to do the work to “fix” it within ourselves.
But that can be easy too, through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Psalm 119:165 … Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.

the quietus

[part five]

The following morning {Friday} we went back to the hospital to put in place the next course of action.
Consuelo had already expressed her wished to the doctor and he was in the process of preparing for her release when we got there.
All treatments were stopped and the IV was removed.
We were pleased to learn that she could return to Compass… this time, hospice would also be put into place.
She was back there before 2:30 that afternoon. She was peaceful and comfortable. It was good.
We knew she was in good hands, so we returned to her apartment to continue moving her things.
This time, we knew she would not be returning.

Saturday morning was spent clearing out the few things we moved to her new apartments and turning in the keys.
As Evan, Taylor and I were finishing up lunch, something nudged us back to Compass. We needed to go there.
Without hesitation, we did.

As we pulled into the parking lot, Evan received a call from the Hospice care giver.
Consuelo was not well. The nurses at the station confirmed. They also prepared  the tree of us for what we would see and hear.
Calls were made to Neale and Denise.
Neale would come as soon and he could.
Denise was in an airport in Arizona and would stop by after she landed in Salt Lake.
We made our way down to her room.

The death rattle was the most obvious symptom of what was to come.
She was not conscious , but we spoke to her, expressed our love, stroked her head.
She could hear us. She responded with her eyebrows or even a slight turn of the lips.
Evan called Denise again, this time alerting her of the urgency of her visit.
She and Alan were trying to catch an earlier flight.
Evan also called Kylee’s Mission President.
President Cooke would be seeing her later that evening and assured us he would speak to her.

Neale arrived a few hours later.
Then Denise called… they had just landed and were on their way.
Evan and Neale each took a hand. They told her that Denise would be here soon and asked her to hold on a little longer.
Sensing that she would not last, we prayed by her bedside.
Evan offered a beautiful prayer. He released her from this world and invited her to go home and to be reunited with her husband.
She could not hold on. Within minutes, she was gone.

After Denise arrived, we all sat in Consuelo's room for what seemed like hours.
Reminiscing.
Paying tribute her life.
She was an honorable woman.
She left us with dignity and grace.

the decision

[part four]

Phenomena was confirmed. Her body was also septic.
Bed sores were developing.
Antibiotics flowed though her veins.
During one of Neale’s visits, he left her with Dennis’ wedding band.
Neale wore it around his neck.
Connie now wore it on her hand.
If we learned anything, we learned the impact that an infection can have on the mind of the elderly.
Dementia being a very common side effect. Perhaps even a mercy, as she will not remember most of what is happening to her.
The next day, after being admitted into the hospital, she pulled her IV out.
She kept telling us that she is falling… falling out of bed. We tried our best to assure her that she was not.
She told us she was afraid. Of what, we could not determine.
Sunday marked 24 hours of no sleep for Consuelo.
The nurses report that she is in kidney failure.
Confusion was prevalent, with brief moments of lucidity throughout this next week.
Conversations seemed to take place with members of the family that have previously passed on:
Mama, Papa, Lily, Fermina, Sophia.
Reminiscing also took place.
We listened to Consuelo as she spoke of the days when she and Dennis met and started their courtship.
She was troubled with anxiety and had many restless nights.
So much so, that she was moved to a room closer to the nurses… the fishbowl as we called it. No walls. Only windows and a door .
During one of her good moments, She expressed to him, her desire to fight her way back. She needed to get her life in order.
She desired to work on family history and take names to the temple.

Nights continued to be troublesome for her.
There was no significant improvement, so we asked to nurses to administer morphine to help her rest and relax.
Evan would go sit with her until late at night, so that the nurses could get something done.
During those moments when her mind was here, he would continue to have important conversations with her.
Thursday night, she made a significant decision. She was exhausted and she was ready to go home.
She was at peace with her life here. We could see it on her face.

the rehab

[part three]

Visits at the hospital were frequent. Christmas was a little different this year. More time spent at the hospital, less time spent in the chaos that the holiday often brings. Friday finally arrived and Consuelo was transferred to Compass Rehab. Her room was beautiful! Homey. Warm. Inviting. Comfortable. We could not be any happier with this decision. We went back to her apartment to pack a bag with clothes and other personal effects. This would be home for the next several weeks and we wanted her surrounded with familiar things. She was anxious to read a book, so we selected a few from the library in the Center.

We continued to visit several times a day. It was GO time and she had a lot of work to do. Many of our pep talks seemed to be in vain. She was not giving rehab her best effort. She was tired. She slept more than she needed to. We encouraged her every time we saw her. Another week passed and we did not see much progress.

Two days into the New Year, we received an early morning phone call from Compass. There was concern about her behavior. She was slurring her speech and not very responsive. The biggest worry was a stroke. It was agreed that she needed to return to the hospital. We found ourselves, once again, in a familiar room in the ER. Several tests later, it was determined that the Urinary Track Infection she developed earlier had progressed. The worse news... Pneumonia was developing. She was admitted back into the hospital for treatment.

the recovery

[part two]

As expected, the surgery lasted an hour. We received the news at 1:15 AM that it was a success. A rod and two pins were holding her delicate hip in place. I went home to catch a couple of hours of sleep before heading into work. Evan stayed by his mothers side. He wanted to be there when she came out of the anesthesia. He paced a lot. He worried constantly. He napped as mush as he could. When she awakened, he was relieved... she was a survivor. She was taken to her temporary home, Room 408. Her pain level was relatively low, she was groggy but aware. Evan was able to break away long enough to go home, shower and pack his briefcase so he could work from the hospital.

I went straight to the hospital after work. Recovery was going along as best as we could hope for. A physical therapist was already working with her, helping her sit up and even stand. We were asked to select a rehabilitation center as they anticipated transitioning her there on Christmas eve. We chose one close to home for the sake of convenience. They had a bed and reserved it for her. Denise and Alan came down from Wyoming  and he daughter spent the second night at her side.  Connie was still in a fog and tired very easily. She slept a lot and ate very little.  There were concerns about her progress with the physical therapist. It was decided to keep her in the hospital through Christmas in hopes that she would become more alert and gain more strength.

Something kept gnawing at me about our rehab center choice, so I did some research online. I was prompted for a reason. Our first choice did not have very desirable reviews and very low health grades. I did some more research and found two other centers nearby that met our high criteria. I called Evan and shared with him my concerns and had him check for rooms at the other centers. Our first choice had a room and would be ready for her on Friday.

the call

[part one]

December 21, 2014 was like any other Sunday. We attended church, ate dinner as a family, and spent the evening relaxing. We were winding down for the night when the phone rang. The caller ID indicated that it was the Sister Missionaries. Evan answered the phone, not realizing that this phone call would change our lives.

The Sister on the phone confirmed that it was Evan, the son of Consuelo Rowley. She then informed him that his mother had taken a fall and that the EMT's were on their way. We quickly changed back into clothes and went over to her apartment. She was still on the ground in the lobby when we arrived. Several strong arms easily lifted her into a chair, where questions were asked and answered. It was estimated that she laid there for 15-20 minutes, calling for help, before she was found. She was alert and not in pain. Her vitals were good. The EMT's asked her if she could stand and she tried, with their assistance. Then, there was pain. They quickly sat her down and asked if she would like to go to the hospital. With our encouragement, she agreed it was best. She was skillfully placed on a gurney and Evan and I ran to her apartment to grab her wallet and lock the door.

We arrived at the hospital just as she was being wheeled in, so we followed her in. Room 8. The same room she was taken to when she broke her shoulder. Evan called our friend, Doug Martin, who rushed over to assist in giving her a blessing. Calls to Denise and Neale were held off briefly while we gathered information from the doctor. He wanted to X-ray her hip so we made those calls while she was in radiology. The results were not good. She fractured her hip. Immediate surgery was required. Because of her age, failure to do so would lead to phenomena and most likely, death. An Orthopedic Surgeon was called in. Neale arrived just in time to see her before she went to the operating room. He left shortly after and Evan and I escorted her to pre-op where we spoke with the anesthesiologist. It would be an easy, routine surgery, requiring only an hour if all went well. Shortly after midnight we found ourselves in the waiting room.

Choose

Choose good friends!
We tend to become like those whom we admire. Just as in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s classic account “The Great Stone Face,” we adopt the mannerisms, the attitudes, even the conduct of those whom we admire—and they are usually our friends. Associate with those who, like you, are planning not for temporary convenience, shallow goals, or narrow ambition but rather for those things that matter most—even eternal objectives.
https://www.lds.org/youth/article/how-to-choose-good-friends?lang=eng

Choose wisely!
I believe it is of particular importance in our day, when Satan is raging in the hearts of men in so many new and subtle ways, that our choices and decisions be made carefully, consistent with the goals and objectives by which we profess to live. We need unequivocal commitment to the commandments and strict adherence to sacred covenants.
~Elder Quentin L Cook
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/choose-wisely?lang=eng

Choose eternal life!
…we have only two eternal choices, each with eternal consequences: choose to follow the Savior of the world and thus choose eternal life with our Heavenly Father or choose to follow the world and thus choose to separate ourselves from Heavenly Father eternally. We cannot successfully choose both the safety of righteousness and the dangers of worldliness.
~Randall K Bennett
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/choose-eternal-life?lang=eng

Choose charity!
”charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever”

Do we judge one another? Do we criticize each other for individual choices, thinking we know better, when in fact we rarely understand another’s unique circumstance or individual inspiration? Have we ever said, “She works outside the home.” Or, “Her son didn’t serve a mission.” Or, “She’s too old for a calling.” Or, “She can’t—she’s single.” Such judgments, and so many others like them, rob us of the good part, that pure love of Christ.

We also lose sight of that good part when we compare ourselves to others. Her hair is cuter, my legs are fatter, her children are more talented, or her garden’s more productive—sisters, you know the drill. We just can’t do that. We cannot allow ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren’t instead of on who we are! …We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep the pure love of Christ.
~Bonnie D Parkin
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/10/choosing-charity-that-good-part?lang=eng

Choose not to be offended!
When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy,embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense.However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.
~David A Bednar
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng

Some choices may seem more important than others, but no choice is insignificant.
  ~Thomas S Monson

boasting

I work full time. I serve in my church. I live in a neighborhood. I have friends.
I say this, not to boast, but to point out that I am exposed to all sorts of people. Often.
I hear many things.
Mostly interesting, funny, and uplifting.
Sometimes annoying, inappropriate, or  irritating.
On thing that irritates me is the constant boasting that is exhibited by a select few.
You know the – my kid was accepted to Harvard but chose to go to State College – type.

I often wonder, are these individuals even aware of how they come off to others?
Me?I Besides feeling uncomfortable being around these individuals, I feel SAD.
Sad that they are so insecure, so starved for attention, so unaware of others,
or even unaware of what they are doing. I also feel worried.
Worried, that I too, can easily fall into this category.

It seems to me, that if we direct our gratitude upward. If we acknowledge all of our blessings and successes to the Divine Being,
the person from which they came, then – and only then – will we be following the example of our Savior.
This was reinforced in my mind as I stumbled upon a Conference talk from April 1990…

In our conversations and conduct we can be much more effective if we avoid the demeaning effect of that which could be classified as boasting. We should wisely let others become aware of accomplishments by observations rather than to have us appear to flaunt them before the world. Boasting diminishes credibility and too often alienates friends, co-workers, family members, and even those who may observe us from a distance….

Consideration for the feelings of others should always be important to worthy Latter-day Saints. Rightfully we may be happy about the number of children with which we have been blessed, the missionaries who have served, the temple marriages of our offspring, and the accomplishments of family members; but others who are not so fortunate may have feelings of guilt or inadequacy. They may have been praying long and hard for the same blessings about which we are boasting. These people may feel that they are out of favor with God.

For this reason our appreciation should be sincerely felt and gratitude expressed frequently to our Father in Heaven
- but not too vocally to the world.

We would all do well to take a lesson from the Savior, who repeatedly acknowledged and gave credit to the Father in all things.

~Marvin J Ashton (read his full Conference address  HERE)

I am so grateful for such great, faithful men of God that are not afraid to teach us the things that we need to hear,
things that will draw us closer to our  Father in Heaven and our Savior.
I am grateful for this weekend, for General Conference where I will once again be edified and uplifted.
Were I can become renewed in my desire, and my actions, to be obedient and to follow the example of  Jesus Christ.…
You too, can watch it live…HERE…  [Saturday October 4th 10 AM, 2 PM / Sunday October 5th 10 AM, 2 PM]

temptation

We have been in our home for eighteen years now.
It’s hard to imagine that that much time has passed.
We are very fond of our home, and especially fond of our neighbors.

Eighteen years ago, when we were putting our yard in,
we laid perfectly green sod and selected the right trees and bushes.
We found the perfect spot to plant each of them.
We watered and cared for it and it flourished.

Over the years, through our own neglect, and even the neglect of others,
an entire lawn was killed off, wild trees and plants took root,
the wrong, evasive plant was placed into the ground,
and weeds crept in from every direction.
Our yard now lacked the beauty that we once imagined.

Ignorance and neglect caused so much damage. The yard was out of control.
It seemed that every time we pulled or plucked, two more invaders returned.

The same can be true for temptation and sin.

If we neglect the commandments, if we ignore our Heavenly Father and forget to pray and study,
we will not be equipped with the tools and the power that we will need
to stand strong and fight against the unwanted invasions (temptations) of the adversary.
Temptation is a weed that will creep in
We must nurture our minds and bodies with the power of Christ
so that we will be deeply rooted in our testimony of His gospel.

Your weakest point will be the point at which Satan tries to tempt you, and will try to win you, and if you have made it weak yourself before you have undertaken to serve the Lord, he will add to that  weakness. Resist him and you will gain in strength. He will tempt you in another point. Resist him and he becomes weaker and you become stronger, until you can say, no matter what your surroundings may be, ‘Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve’ (Luke 4:8)”   ~David O McKay

Conference weekend

Sunday, 4 o'clock pm.
We enjoyed two wonderful days of being spiritually fed,
and I was just pulling dinner out of the oven.
The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.
My parents just arrived when  I noticed the sound of running water.
I mentioned it to my husband.
Something must have struck a chord with him because he
made a mad dash toward the master bedroom.
He yelled something from the back, but I was focused on the Prime Rib Roast.
Then my daughter yelled from the basement.
It soon became very clear that we had a flood on our hands.

Inches of water in the master bathroom were
cascading into pools of water in the furnace room downstairs.
Towels were flying all over the house.
Our feet were soaking wet.
Water was dripping on our heads.
The sound of a wet/dry vac hummed along with the chaos.

We sopped up as much as we could (for the time being)
and decided to settle down for a lukewarm dinner.
We breathed, we enjoyed, we visited.
We said goodbye to my parents and went back to reassess.

The basement was finally drying up
(thank goodness for required floor drains)
but the carpet padding seemed to be soaking up water from nowhere.
We decided the best course of action would be to pull the carpet and pad.
I guess the idea of remodeling may become a reality
a year or two sooner than planned.

So…this is what we did after the last session on Sunday…

How was your conference weekend?

Aging. Not necessarily a state of mind.

I have often said

"Aging is a state of mind."

My mind agrees.
My body does not.

My mind does not limit what I can or cannot do
My body does.

My mind believes I will heal quickly.
My body does not.

I choose to follow my mind.
My body will pay the consequences.

Joy

After a plethora of errands, I finally sat down to start putting the finishing touches on my lesson for Sunday School tomorrow. While studying supplemental material,  I came across this quote from Richard G. Scott.

Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. The Lord inspired Lehi to declare the fundamental truth, “Men are, that they might have joy.” ~Richard G. Scott

I appreciated the gentle reminder to seek for the joy in the simplest of things. Sunsets. Twinkling Stars. Changing Seasons. Music. Smiles. Fresh Baked Cookies. Service. Family.

Where do you find your joy?
Maybe you can find joy in his talk HERE

Sometimes…

…when your nieces and nephews are daring their father (your brother)
to eat a dog treat, you try to beat him to the punch.

The result, a doggy treat for two.
He wouldn't let his sister out-do him.
(Not that I ever could… he is pretty GREAT!)

Spotlight

Turning another year older, for me, is kind of like Christmas time for an adult.
More in the sense of…
Is it that time again, already?
Where did that year go?

I really don’t track my birthday’s.
While the birthday’s of my husband and children are so very important to me,
I could care less about mine It is just another day.
I think this attitude stems from my allergy to being the center of attention.
I am much happier blending into the background.

What I need to remember is this:
While my birthday is not a “big deal” to me,
it may be important to those around me.
I need to be better at letting them shine the spotlight on me…
but only for a day!