Being Ernest

As a family, we were preparing to leave town the following week for our annual trip to Lake Powell.
After my last visit with dad, I knew things were a little off.
His look was “droopy”… I didn’t think he would last the year.



I had a strong feeling that I should have a plan in place, just in case I was needed at home during our vacation.
I checked out pricing for flights home and knew the best route to take.
Little did I know, we would never make it to the lake.

Mom received a call from dads care center Sunday evening.
He took a turn for the worse and they didn’t expect him to last 24 hours.
My husband and youngest daughter joined me as I rushed out to meet Mom and my brother there.
My oldest was at work and would join us later.

Eric was already there when we arrived. I found him in the lobby, trying to console his youngest son.
I made my way to dads room and immediately recognized the death rattle.
Mom arrived not long afterward. There was no doubt that we were spending the night there.
Without hesitation, we canceled the hotel, and Eric postponed his business trip.
Both mom and dad were given a priesthood blessing.

Evan and Taylor left to meet Kylee back home.
They gathered some things to help keep me comfortable and the three of them returned with my care package.
Eric made arrangements for G to spend the night at a friends and retuned after dropping him off.

Mom, Eric and I spent the night in chairs placed in dads side of the room.
We listened to him labor in breathing all night long.
The nurses took great care of him, administering Morphine and Lorazepam as prescribed by hospice.
In the morning, mom left to care for her dog and eat some breakfast. Eric and I stayed.
Dad continued to struggle with his breathing. Just listening to him wore me out. I am certain he was exhausted.
Mom returned and the three of us watched, listened, and waited.
Dad took his last breath at 11:01 AM, Monday morning.

My immediate thought…. Dad has CLARITY!

refection

Upon relection, 2015 was a difficult year.
This is why I am grateful…

In January, we laid my mother in law to rest.

• Her two sons were at her bedside and gave her a PRIESTHOOD BLESSING.
• We were able to talk to our missionary on the phone upon per passing.
• Her services were simple yet beautiful.
• Her enitre family came together to celebrate her life and the reunion with her husband.
  (This is what we believe.)
• We gained a deeper love for family. Immediate and extended.

My father’s Alzheimers progressed rapidly.

• My brother, my husband and I all stepped forward to assist my mother.
• We grew closer to each other and to our mother – through CHARITY & SERVICE.
• I was able to spend some one on one time with dad. We listened to music and took selfies.

Dear friends and neighbors faced difficult times

• Neighbors came together to express love and lend support.
• I became even more aware of the abundance of love and strength exhibited by others.
• I received a confirmation of HOPE and gained a greater testimony of the power and comfort hope brings.

Both of my daughters were in separate automobile accidents.

• While severe damage to the cars occurred, both of them walked away unhurt. 
• We were down one car while repairs were being made, giving us the opportunity to sacrifice and serve each other. 

We made the difficult decision to place my father in a Memory Care Center.

• We took a leap of faith. Relying on the Lord to make sure that the needs of both Mom and Dad will be met.
• We found the perfect home. Full of love, charity, concern, and most importantly… the SPIRIT.
• Dad is now in a place where he can receive the full-time care and attention that his progressing Alzheimers requires.
• Mom has received a renewal… both physically and spiritually.
• We continue to exercise faith that the Lord is with us and will take care of us.
  We have faith that everything will work out according to His plan.

There were many other “little” things throughout the year. Pain. Sorrow. Fear, Worry.
I am grateful for every bit of it.
I am grateful for the strength it gave me.
I am grateful for the blessings it brought me.
I am grateful that, while life should have seemed hard and difficult, it became… wonderful!

3 things 2015

January
Consuelo passed away from complications that followed a fall that broke her hip.
Her three children put together a beautiful tribute to her life.
With President Cooke’s permission, we were able to place a special call to Kylee just after Consuelo passed.

February
The reality of Kylee returning home set in.
We received the travel itinerary from the Mission Home.
We made plans for her arrival and homecoming.

March
Kylee’s return date finally arrived.
Taylor went through the temple to receive her endowment.
As a family, we returned to Washington DC for a memorable visit.

April
General Conference and wonderful food.
Dad fell and became a member of the assisted walker club
We tore down the big tree in the front yard

May
Payson Temple open house
Warming up enough for morning walks outside
Memorial Day rock climbing

June
Sat with Dad so Mom could attend a granddaughters High School graduation
Payson Temple was dedicated
Got the boat out early this year

July
Fireworks at home on the 4th
Started a project in the backyard that is still incomplete
Fireworks and mishaps on the 24th

August
Newport Beach temple with the family
Disneyland
Taylor was in a car accident on the first day of school

September
Shrimp Boil for Labor day… a new tradition
Road trip to Afton, WY for nephews Eagle Court of Honor
Sang Nearer My God to Thee in the Paris, Idaho tabernacle

October
General Conference again… always uplifting!
Sunday drives to see the changing of the leaves
Thriller with the girls

November
28 year wedding anniversary
Thanksgiving with family… always a favorite time
Chester raided the pantry (again)

December
We moved dad into a Memory Care Center
Hot Chocolate Bar…Neighborhood fund raiser for dear friends
100 Enchiladas on Christmas Day

a list

1. walked 3 1/2 miles with the hubby
   (our Friday / Saturday morning tradition)
2. ate Blueberry Pancakes
   (homemade by Evan)
3. spray painted the back lawn
   (outlining the future fire pit that I am dreaming about)
4. stepped in dog poop
   (not a tradition, or a dream)
5. dug a trench for retaining wall
   (back fence line… meant to keep neighbors dogs from lurking under the fence)
6. got bitten by angry ants
   (after destroying their farm while digging a trench)
7. washed hands a million times
   (I don’t mind the dirt, just don’t like dirty hands)
8. took a well deserved shower
   (you’re welcome)
9. received an epiphany in the shower
   (we set the retaining wall blocks upside down)
10. called mom
    (dad answered the phone too)
11. talked to dad on the phone
    (asked a few questions, told him good bye, and listed to him try to hang up the phone)
    #alzheimers
12. forgot to wish mom happy birthday
    (it’s OK. taking her and dad to dinner later)
13. dug through the trash
    (to look for a missing receipt)
14. washed my hands a gain
    (you know why)
15. went to IKEA
    (bought another project to build)
16. went grocery shopping
    (because Saturday is a special day )
17. took mom and dad to dinner
    (Happy Birthday Mom! )
18. went to Wal-Mart with the family
    (movie night prep)
19. flipped a couple of retaining wall blocks
    (against my husband’s wishes. he said wait until Monday, but they are really bugging me!)
20. put the finishing touches on my primary lesson
    (parable of the Sheep & Goats )
21. thanked my Heavenly Father for another productive day
    (prayer)
22. when to bed
    (whew!)

the plan of happiness

The events that transpired between December 21st and January 10th were difficult.
It was a roller coaster ride of fighting for life and recovery and fighting for peace and reunions.
Consuelo was torn between two worlds.
I truly believe that when she called the names of loved ones
she did not do so out of confusion or delirium.
She was with those people.
They were with her.
Comforting her, as we were.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,
I know that there is life after death.
I know that we lived with God before we were sent here to earth.
I know that he has a plan for all of His children.
I know that our life here on earth, while not always easy, has a purpose.
We gain a mortal body that is tested and tried.
We feel pain and sorrow.
We are tempted and we sin, because we are not perfect.
Because we are not perfect, God sent His only begotten Son.
Through Him, we can become perfect, by repenting, by accepting His atonement.
It is also through His atonement, that we can receive strength as we face our trials.
Pain. Sorrow. Grief.
If we follow Gods plan.
If we keep His commandments and follow the example of His perfect Son,
even, Jesus Christ, we can be happy.
The knowledge that we have of this great plan of happiness
has given us all that we needed during those three weeks.
We knew, that no matter what the end result was,
Consuelo would be with loved ones.
Whether here on earth, or on the other side.

There is life after death.
There is a sealing power that links our family together FOREVER!
And that makes me happy.

{Your can learn more HERE}

the recovery

[part two]

As expected, the surgery lasted an hour. We received the news at 1:15 AM that it was a success. A rod and two pins were holding her delicate hip in place. I went home to catch a couple of hours of sleep before heading into work. Evan stayed by his mothers side. He wanted to be there when she came out of the anesthesia. He paced a lot. He worried constantly. He napped as mush as he could. When she awakened, he was relieved... she was a survivor. She was taken to her temporary home, Room 408. Her pain level was relatively low, she was groggy but aware. Evan was able to break away long enough to go home, shower and pack his briefcase so he could work from the hospital.

I went straight to the hospital after work. Recovery was going along as best as we could hope for. A physical therapist was already working with her, helping her sit up and even stand. We were asked to select a rehabilitation center as they anticipated transitioning her there on Christmas eve. We chose one close to home for the sake of convenience. They had a bed and reserved it for her. Denise and Alan came down from Wyoming  and he daughter spent the second night at her side.  Connie was still in a fog and tired very easily. She slept a lot and ate very little.  There were concerns about her progress with the physical therapist. It was decided to keep her in the hospital through Christmas in hopes that she would become more alert and gain more strength.

Something kept gnawing at me about our rehab center choice, so I did some research online. I was prompted for a reason. Our first choice did not have very desirable reviews and very low health grades. I did some more research and found two other centers nearby that met our high criteria. I called Evan and shared with him my concerns and had him check for rooms at the other centers. Our first choice had a room and would be ready for her on Friday.

balance

On Sunday, I fixed Chili for dinner.
I prepared it early in the morning and poured it into my crockpot to simmer while at church.
For those of you who know my naughty dog, Chester, this next sentence will make sense to you…
I put the crockpot on top of the washer in the laundry room just before leaving the house
I was the first one home and promptly attempted to transport the crockpot back into the kitchen.
As I lifted the crock pot [that was filled to the brim] the contents shifted
and before I knew it, scalding hot chili pour out onto my hand.
I set it down to regain balance, and tried once more, successfully.
By now, my hand was stinging from the incredible heat.
I followed first aid protocol and took measures to cool down the wound.
I was fortunate to only have burned a single finger.
I received a very strong example of how important balance is in our lives.
Balance is defined as mental and emotional steadiness; it is to bring into harmony or proportion.
We need balance spiritually, intellectually, physically, socially,and economically.
Over the past several months, I have assessed the balance (or lack thereof) in my own life.
I have often found myself over consumed by work.
I have neglected my physical health.
[This list could get long!]

The wise Job said, “Let me be weighed in an even balance, that God may know mine integrity”
(Job 31:6)
Talents, gifts of expression, and precious time are exhausted in swimming against too many tides

Balance in large measure is knowing the things that can be changed, putting them in proper perspective, and recognizing the things that will not change. And balance also lies in attitude. May our attitude be one of achieving balance and wisdom and understanding in all that we do.

~James E Faust

I have recently made some changes. So many more still need to take place,
but I already feel the scales are leveling out and balance is returning to my life

becoming the best

It has been said by most that their mom is the best ever.
Those words are no exception to my daughters.
I accept their statements in great humility
not because I am the best, but because I have been influenced by the best.

My mother is the first influence I ever had.
She is the most selfless woman I know.
Always looking outward.

My two daughters… so very different from each other
but equally as important to me.
They have taught me more than I ever would have learned on my own.

Denise became my fist sister when I married her brother.
She was the first Aunt to my daughters
and is full of energy and love.

Tamra, married my brother
and was the first to make me an Aunt.
She has a passion for learning and is one of the smartest people I know.

Emily, my third sister by marriage.
She has taken on the role of motherhood and has not looked back.
She is courageous and nurturing.

Many friends and neighbors… the mothers and the childless.
All of them honoring womanhood with their actions,
caring for their families and for each other.

I have no doubt that all of these women will also claim
that their greatness comes from influences as well.
But, isn’t that something we as women do so very well…
helping others become their best.

This post comes with a warning

If you can't stand the sight of blood
Stop now, and go no further.

For quite some time now, I have been enduring chromic tendonitis in my elbow.
A cortisone shot helped for a while, but the pain came back.
The options were down to two: surgery or a less evasive procedure
known as a platelet rich plasma (PRP) injection.
I opted for the latter.

I was warned of the pain and prepared myself effectively.
It was actually not as bad as I prepared for… I clenched my teeth, but shed no tears.
I little dizziness after I sat up required a moment of rest before leaving the doctors office.

It was fascinating to learn about this procedure…. the power of the body,
the healing nature of blood.
It started with the drawing of 1 ounce of blood.

then the blood is then placed into a centrifuge where separation occurs.
After the separation,  the plasma and red blood cells are discarded and
the white blood cells, platelets and a hint of red blood cells are extracted and prepared for the injection.

The most tender part of the tendon is located and the injection is made.
Scar tissue is created and healing is forced.
The doctor then reminded me that I  have several days of extreme pain….
described as a bruised broken arm.

Naturally, I took time off work, made myself a sling,
and put my husband to work… fixing dinner, putting toothpaste on my toothbrush, putting in my earrings,
getting me ice cream (a natural pain reliever).

I am lucky on so many levels…
talented doctors, creative medical procedures, and a loving, caring husband!

Kinda reminds me of this...

2’s and 3’s

Three times in two weeks =  the number of times I have listened to my missionary speak in church.
Two of those three times was just this morning.
My two daughters have been home together this weekend as we
prepare to take Kylee to the MTC in three days.
In just two days, she will be set apart as a missionary through Priesthood Authority.
Soon, it will be just the two of us…Evan and I.
Well, three, if you count the dog!
My heart is full of gratitude for my two daughters.
Together, with my loving husband, I have the three best friends I will ever need.
Before we know it, the four of us will be in three different states
but in less than two years we will all be reunited.
I think the two of us can handle that!
Well, three, if you count the dog!

Best Plans

The original plan was to coordinate an event.
A hall reserving,
food catering
invitation sending
kind of event.
It was decided upon years in advance.

Through the course of these years
my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
His memory diminished quickly.
First it was events, then friends
and now, occasionally, family.

While an occasional “good” day occurred,
it was evident that such an event would
be a great source of frustration for him
as well as my mother.

An evening of reminding my father of who
he was visiting with and constantly explaining
to guests the current status of his condition
was not an evening anyone would look forward to.

So, the plans changed.
Instead of a grand party,
we celebrated my parents golden anniversary in,
what turned out to be, the perfect way.
A small intimate dinner for 8.

We booked reservations at The Roof,
a restaurant stilling on the top floor of
the Joseph Smith Memorial Building with
a perfect view the the Salt Lake Temple,
the place they were married 50 years ago.

The cherry on top…
a little unknown fact, later revealed
they had their wedding breakfast in that
very same building when it was the Hotel Utah.

(Thanks again to Kylee for documenting the event so well!)

What my ears heard, opened my eyes

Even though I am the mother of adult daughters,
and they don’t “need” me as much as they used to,
they are still a very important part of my life.
In fact, they are two of my best friends.

I never want to loose that.

Yesterday,
as I was sitting on the couch,
winding down for the day
finishing up some work I brought home from the office,
Taylor said: “mom, you are always working.”
She continued: ”working your job, working to take care of us”

She was merely being observant.
I was immediately full of gratitude.

First and foremost, because I get to take care of my family.
I love being around them
I love spending time with them.
I love being at home, with them.
I love taking care of them.
It is my favorite job.

Second, I am blessed to work for individuals
who support “family”
They are a close family, and in a sense,
they are a part of my family.
They enable me to encourage others at work to
place their family over their job.
I get tell the employees “yes, it is OK”
to come in late for work to support their children and grandchildren
at school and other events.

Today,
I left the office, empty handed.
I am not going to work this weekend,
unless it is for my family!

I need to smell the roses.

As you can tell by the number of recent (or lack thereof) posts,
I have not been a very active blogger.

I attribute this to my mundane life!
I have seen nothing worth blogging about.
Each day I get up early, go to work, come home,
think about (and sometimes fix) dinner,
clean up and go to bed, wake up and start over.

I have recently come to realize that there is SO MUCH more
to my daily routines that I have failed to take notice of.
I have failed to smell the beautiful roses.

I have a job that I love. I work for and with people who appreciate
me. I admire and respect those I work with.

I have an awesome husband who gives me something to
laugh about each and every day. I love laughing with him.
I love making him laugh.

I have two daughters that teach me something each and every day.
They are strong and faithful women. They endure emotional and
physical pain. They trust in the Lord. They rely on the Priesthood.

I have family nearby. We enjoy each others company as often as
possible. Dinners, family events, the Theater, hikes, sporting events.

I have family members further away. We are able to take advantage
of modern technology and send a quick hello with a phone text,
chat over the internet, see each other via Skype.

Winter was white and beautiful. Spring is blooming and fragrant
and the warmth of summer will soon follow. The four seasons of Utah
are glorious.

There are so many other wonderful things around me that I
must take the time each day and simply notice. I know this
is the only way to take the mundane out of my life.

And it is as simple as smelling the roses.

Taking a chance

Taking a chance is so easy to think about.
The application of this, is something quite different.
So many situations put us in a position were we should apply this ideal.
Many times, for me, hiding behind my fears and insecurities is so much easier.

Missionary work, for example.
In my faith, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,
we believe that every member is a missionary,
that we all have a responsibility to open our mouths and share what we believe.
Me, my worries of saying the wrong thing, stop me from sharing my thoughts and beliefs.
It is one of my greatest weaknesses, but this weakness has been made stronger
as I have taken a chance in other aspects of my life.

I wonder where I would be today
if I had not taken a chance and gone out with a young man
that seemed so much my opposite.
If I had not taken a chance and seen him again.
After all doesn’t everyone deserve a 2nd date?
Firsts seem to be so wrapped up in insecurities and first, and likely wrong, impressions
If I hadn’t taken a chance and married that man.
By taking that chance, 25 years later, I find that we are the best of friends and
we have so much more in common than I ever believed…we grew that way.
He has made me stronger and braver.
He secures me and anchors me.

I can’t even imagine how empty my life would be
if I had not taken a chance when we had our first child.
If I had not taken a chance and had another.
I have gained so much by taking those chances.
I have learned to love unconditionally, and most of all
I have learned that I am loved unconditionally by my Savior
as He has blessed me and sustained me as a mother.
My weaknesses have been  tested and strengthened,
my talents have been nourished.
My life became full.

I have learned, that when we take a chance
and do what our Heavenly Father has asked us to do,
(sometimes that is the most difficult and seemingly wrong thing
to do, simply because it may not be what WE want to do)
we are blessed beyond our greatest dreams.

We simply must have FAITH…. and take the chance.

Aging. Not necessarily a state of mind.

I have often said

"Aging is a state of mind."

My mind agrees.
My body does not.

My mind does not limit what I can or cannot do
My body does.

My mind believes I will heal quickly.
My body does not.

I choose to follow my mind.
My body will pay the consequences.

Finally…

Two years later, we finally made it back to Lake Powell. (A crazy year, coupled with bad timing, caused us  to cancel all of last years plans.)  We hit the road Sunday afternoon and enjoyed a leisurely drive, taking in the beauty along the way…



As usual, we camped at the Super 8 in Page… Kylee and friends managed to find a friend. Without delay, I was summoned to remove him from the premises.

Setting aside unwanted guests, we hiked, relaxed, read, napped, swam, played, and laughed for three full days…

I lead a dull and boring life. (Lucky me!)

Since my last post,

• I have gotten up in the morning
• I have worked, in all of it’s varieties
• I have taken care of my family
• I have gone to bed

EVERY SINGLE DAY!

What I love to do

• Wake up to a bright, new day
• Work to help provide for my family, work in my church callings, work while serving those around me
• Take care of my family
• Rest and prepare for another bright day

My life may seem dull and boring by the worlds standards…
but it is exactly the life I love!

Whirlwind

I just finished stuffing  over 100 strawberries with a cheesecake filling (recipe HERE)
for the Pot Luck after church today.

I am now reflecting on the whirlwind of the past two weeks.

• We drove up to Idaho with Tay do drop her off for her 2nd Semester. She will be gone for a while this time. Two semesters, back to back, with only a month in between for summer break. It was so nice having her home (since Christmas) but I am happy that she is back at school and excited to be learning!
• Kylee has been busy preparing for finals, fund raising for her trip to India and applying for Graduation. She has only 2 more semesters left and I could not be any more proud. I LOVE it when my daughters excel and accomplish more than I did.
• Last week, my Sunday School lesson was on The Healing Power of Forgiveness from the Marriage and Family Relations manual. As always, Evan sits by my side and assists me in my lessons. I love that we teach Temple Prep/ Marriage Relations TOGETHER.
• Evan and I cleaned out the garage yesterday. A two hour project lasted ALL day. There is noting like two old people groaning from aches and pains after a full day of active work. The spring cleaning will continue as we purge the house of unwanted/unused items. We will be holding a garage sale later this spring to help Kylee raise more money.

I am looking forward to this day of rest.
HERE is the link to an article that inspired my lesson last week. I hope you find some inspiration too.

Joy

After a plethora of errands, I finally sat down to start putting the finishing touches on my lesson for Sunday School tomorrow. While studying supplemental material,  I came across this quote from Richard G. Scott.

Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. The Lord inspired Lehi to declare the fundamental truth, “Men are, that they might have joy.” ~Richard G. Scott

I appreciated the gentle reminder to seek for the joy in the simplest of things. Sunsets. Twinkling Stars. Changing Seasons. Music. Smiles. Fresh Baked Cookies. Service. Family.

Where do you find your joy?
Maybe you can find joy in his talk HERE

Lunacy

This week has been a blah week.

Mixed in, with all of the mundane routine of work and home, was a series of lunatics on the phone.
As a side note, this (excessive lunacy) seems to coincide with the full moon.

One caller, in particular, was a top notch. He was full of colorful and vulgar insults.
The first insult toward my co-worker prompted me to immediately pull his documents
and return them in the mail.
As I was headed toward the postage meter,
I was informed that he was on his way into the office to pick them up.
In an attempt to avoid a personal confrontation, I placed the documents on the front counter.
I had hopes that he would see them and leave.
No such luck.

For protection, two of us went up.
He continued to yell and demand answers.
As we attempted to answer his questions,
he would interrupt and yell some more and then continue to demand answers (which he would not listen to).
I finally had enough and asked him to leave.
Of course, he was not listening and stayed and yelled.
After two more requests, I put my hand up, and STRONGLY insisted he leave.
By this time, all three of us were up front.
I walked towards him and escorted him out the door. but not with out getting the big F-U-B.

Emotionally, I do not deal well with confrontation.
Nausea, upset stomach, lack of appetite have been with me all week.
If it weren’t for the binging that follows, I may have discovered another weight loss program.