The Quote {being offended}

I realize that people say things, well, wrong.
Heaven knows I do this ALL the time.
Humans tend to “speak their mind”. It is not easy to remember to “think before you speak”.
I often wish my words had a ten second delay… giving me the opportunity to sensor, revise or delete.
But things are said that cannot be taken back.
Feelings are hurt. People become offended.
I have been the giver and recipient.

The single, most important [and perhaps the most difficult] thing to remember is this…
Offence it taken, not given.

When we believe or  we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

David A. Bednar  … And Nothing Shall Offend Them [October 2006 General Conference]
(You can listen to, or read his talk HERE.)

How easy it is for us to blame others for our feelings.
It’s hard to look inward and take responsibility for how we react to things that are said [or not said].
After all, if we take the responsibly, we have to do the work to “fix” it within ourselves.
But that can be easy too, through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Psalm 119:165 … Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.

the quietus

[part five]

The following morning {Friday} we went back to the hospital to put in place the next course of action.
Consuelo had already expressed her wished to the doctor and he was in the process of preparing for her release when we got there.
All treatments were stopped and the IV was removed.
We were pleased to learn that she could return to Compass… this time, hospice would also be put into place.
She was back there before 2:30 that afternoon. She was peaceful and comfortable. It was good.
We knew she was in good hands, so we returned to her apartment to continue moving her things.
This time, we knew she would not be returning.

Saturday morning was spent clearing out the few things we moved to her new apartments and turning in the keys.
As Evan, Taylor and I were finishing up lunch, something nudged us back to Compass. We needed to go there.
Without hesitation, we did.

As we pulled into the parking lot, Evan received a call from the Hospice care giver.
Consuelo was not well. The nurses at the station confirmed. They also prepared  the tree of us for what we would see and hear.
Calls were made to Neale and Denise.
Neale would come as soon and he could.
Denise was in an airport in Arizona and would stop by after she landed in Salt Lake.
We made our way down to her room.

The death rattle was the most obvious symptom of what was to come.
She was not conscious , but we spoke to her, expressed our love, stroked her head.
She could hear us. She responded with her eyebrows or even a slight turn of the lips.
Evan called Denise again, this time alerting her of the urgency of her visit.
She and Alan were trying to catch an earlier flight.
Evan also called Kylee’s Mission President.
President Cooke would be seeing her later that evening and assured us he would speak to her.

Neale arrived a few hours later.
Then Denise called… they had just landed and were on their way.
Evan and Neale each took a hand. They told her that Denise would be here soon and asked her to hold on a little longer.
Sensing that she would not last, we prayed by her bedside.
Evan offered a beautiful prayer. He released her from this world and invited her to go home and to be reunited with her husband.
She could not hold on. Within minutes, she was gone.

After Denise arrived, we all sat in Consuelo's room for what seemed like hours.
Reminiscing.
Paying tribute her life.
She was an honorable woman.
She left us with dignity and grace.

the decision

[part four]

Phenomena was confirmed. Her body was also septic.
Bed sores were developing.
Antibiotics flowed though her veins.
During one of Neale’s visits, he left her with Dennis’ wedding band.
Neale wore it around his neck.
Connie now wore it on her hand.
If we learned anything, we learned the impact that an infection can have on the mind of the elderly.
Dementia being a very common side effect. Perhaps even a mercy, as she will not remember most of what is happening to her.
The next day, after being admitted into the hospital, she pulled her IV out.
She kept telling us that she is falling… falling out of bed. We tried our best to assure her that she was not.
She told us she was afraid. Of what, we could not determine.
Sunday marked 24 hours of no sleep for Consuelo.
The nurses report that she is in kidney failure.
Confusion was prevalent, with brief moments of lucidity throughout this next week.
Conversations seemed to take place with members of the family that have previously passed on:
Mama, Papa, Lily, Fermina, Sophia.
Reminiscing also took place.
We listened to Consuelo as she spoke of the days when she and Dennis met and started their courtship.
She was troubled with anxiety and had many restless nights.
So much so, that she was moved to a room closer to the nurses… the fishbowl as we called it. No walls. Only windows and a door .
During one of her good moments, She expressed to him, her desire to fight her way back. She needed to get her life in order.
She desired to work on family history and take names to the temple.

Nights continued to be troublesome for her.
There was no significant improvement, so we asked to nurses to administer morphine to help her rest and relax.
Evan would go sit with her until late at night, so that the nurses could get something done.
During those moments when her mind was here, he would continue to have important conversations with her.
Thursday night, she made a significant decision. She was exhausted and she was ready to go home.
She was at peace with her life here. We could see it on her face.

straightway

Last week, I was riding Trax from home to downtown where I was going to meet my husband for dinner. Along the way, at one of the stops, two individuals boarded the train. One was clearly helping or tutoring the other. She coached him as he stepped onto the car and reassured him along the way. They were both blind. At that same moment, a man that was already on the train, jumped up to help. He spoke to them, told them were handles and seats were, he took them by the arm and guided them. He made sure they were both OK. He did so, WITHOUT HESITATION. His act of kindness and service was immediate.

The most interesting moment of this incident was not the act, but what I learned about this kind stranger as I heard him talk to a woman (also a stranger to him) on the train as we continued the trip north. She was having a hard time holding a job and finding places to live. Again, without hesitation, he tried to help. He encouraged her. He tried to give her hope. He explained to her that he was just released from prison. He was in a halfway house and trying to get his life back in order and that he understood her difficulties.

I couldn’t help but ask myself…. why did I hesitate when two blind children of God stepped onto the train. Why was I not the one to come to their aid and to be the one to ensure their safety and well being? How many other times did I hesitate. How many times did I not act immediately on promptings? How many opportunities have I missed because I put them off?

I was ashamed to admit that there was any.

Matthew 4: 18-22

18 And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers.
19 And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.
20 And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.
21 And going on from thence, he saw other two brethren, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in a ship with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and he called them.
22 And they immediately left the ship and their father, and followed him

Choose

Choose good friends!
We tend to become like those whom we admire. Just as in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s classic account “The Great Stone Face,” we adopt the mannerisms, the attitudes, even the conduct of those whom we admire—and they are usually our friends. Associate with those who, like you, are planning not for temporary convenience, shallow goals, or narrow ambition but rather for those things that matter most—even eternal objectives.
https://www.lds.org/youth/article/how-to-choose-good-friends?lang=eng

Choose wisely!
I believe it is of particular importance in our day, when Satan is raging in the hearts of men in so many new and subtle ways, that our choices and decisions be made carefully, consistent with the goals and objectives by which we profess to live. We need unequivocal commitment to the commandments and strict adherence to sacred covenants.
~Elder Quentin L Cook
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/choose-wisely?lang=eng

Choose eternal life!
…we have only two eternal choices, each with eternal consequences: choose to follow the Savior of the world and thus choose eternal life with our Heavenly Father or choose to follow the world and thus choose to separate ourselves from Heavenly Father eternally. We cannot successfully choose both the safety of righteousness and the dangers of worldliness.
~Randall K Bennett
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/choose-eternal-life?lang=eng

Choose charity!
”charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever”

Do we judge one another? Do we criticize each other for individual choices, thinking we know better, when in fact we rarely understand another’s unique circumstance or individual inspiration? Have we ever said, “She works outside the home.” Or, “Her son didn’t serve a mission.” Or, “She’s too old for a calling.” Or, “She can’t—she’s single.” Such judgments, and so many others like them, rob us of the good part, that pure love of Christ.

We also lose sight of that good part when we compare ourselves to others. Her hair is cuter, my legs are fatter, her children are more talented, or her garden’s more productive—sisters, you know the drill. We just can’t do that. We cannot allow ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren’t instead of on who we are! …We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep the pure love of Christ.
~Bonnie D Parkin
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/10/choosing-charity-that-good-part?lang=eng

Choose not to be offended!
When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy,embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense.However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.
~David A Bednar
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng

Some choices may seem more important than others, but no choice is insignificant.
  ~Thomas S Monson